


Can't hold it in anymore

by morleypuff



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bellarke, Canon Compliant, F/M, Headcanon, Post 5x06
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-12
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2019-05-21 13:16:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14916074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morleypuff/pseuds/morleypuff
Summary: Clarke doesn't know what to do anymore. She doesn't feel like she fits anywhere, with anyone. And she can't hold this in anymore.





	Can't hold it in anymore

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first writing here... I'm not an native English speaker, so I apologize for any errors.
> 
> Enjoy!

Clarke didn't know what she was doing anymore. After Madi told Octavia the truth, she didn't know what she should do next. Madi would never want to go to Shallow Valley knowing that Diyoza could kill Clarke at first sight. Especially now that she thinks Octavia will protect her. Now that Madi trusts Octavia.  
But this Octavia is completely different person now. Like everyone else she thought she knew. Clarke doesn't know what Octavia could do if anyone else finds out about Madi and pleads for a true natblida commander. The only thing she knows is that she is alone and cannot trust anyone. The only think she has is Madi now. And she doesn't know what she is going to do tomorrow.

This thoughts are rushing through her mind while she watches Madi sleeps. She thinks she would never be able to sleep again. The wound on Madi's hand from that fucking loyalty handshake with Octava is still bleeding a little. She regrets letting Madi out of her sight that night before to talk to Bellamy. 

Why did she even bother telling him what she was doing if he doesn't reciprocate? Even though Bellamy looked the same in his first moments back down here with her, he is not. Not anymore. He became his own person. Before he would always talk to her before making a decision. She liked that. Maybe some people saw that like he was always following her, like Raven said a million years ago, when she called him the night by her side. But Clarke never saw it like this. They were partners, even with their differences, they could always talk and figure it out whatever they were going through. And he always respected her as an equal leader because she knew he had faith in her and the other way around as well. She doesn't feel that way anymore.

-

The first light of the day reach her tent early and Clarke woke up so suddenly that Madi heard her. 

"Clarke, are you ok?"

"Yes, I am" - Clarke didn't want to worry her more that she already is. 

Octavia said last night that her trainning would begin soon. And Clarke does not look forward to that. Madi is a trained nightblood. When she was still little, her parents trained her in case the flamekeepers found her. But in the last six years, she didn't had to fight anyone besides animals. Of course they trained, physical combat and how to use guns, but Clarke always hoped she wouldn't have to put that to use. Their trainning was something to pass their time. She knows Madi is not ready for a combat, and neither is she.

"I have to go to the training" - Madi said while she was eating her rations.

"Yes, but I'm going with you ok?"

Madi just nodded. She looked like she was nervous, a little excited and kind of scared at the same time. Clarke was just worried as fuck.

-

Madi could handle her sword againts a kid that looked about her age, maybe a little older. She was having a hard time but the boy too. Clarke was watching from one side of the pit, and opposite of her, was Octavia. Octavia didn't seem to notice Clarke watching, and if she did, she pretended Clarke wasn't there. When Madi disarmed the boy, Octavia smirked. Clarke can't figure it out what that means. 

Next thing she knows, Octavia is entering the pit getting ready to fight Madi. The look on Madi's face made Clarke shiver. She was scared of Octavia.

Clarke doesn't see much of the fight whilst she runs down to the pit to stop it. When she gets there, Madi is on the floor and her sword meters away from her. Octavia didn't shed a drop of sweat. 

"That's enough!" - Clarke said while helping Madi to get up. 

On their way out of there, they passed by Bellamy, who had this confused look on his face. Clarke stared him for a moment and got out. 

-

Madi was a little shaken up about fighting Octavia, but she wasn't injured. She looked outside their tent to see Bellamy looking towards them from dar away, like he didn't know if he should go in there or not.

Clarke was so pissed off that she told Madi she would be back soon and rushed out of her tent staring at Bellamy with fire in her eyes. She passes him to go inside the bunker and he knew he should follow her.  
She only stopped at an empty room a few floors down and waited for him to go inside. 

"What's wrong?" - Bellamy asked.

"What's wrong?!?!?! What's wrong is that your sister is crazy!!!" - Clarke couldn't hold it inside anymore. - "I don't know what to do anymore! I have to protect Madi and I don't know how to do it. Octavia is crazy. She somehow reborn to be an dictator who kills people like they are flies." She was nearly screaming with her hands up her hair, facing the wall because she couldn't look at him.

When she finally looked back at Bellamy, he looked speechless. 

"All I have left here is craziness." She said letting a tired breath come out.

"That's not true, Clarke. You have me." Bellamy finally let his first word out after she exploded.

Clarke faced him wanting to believe that, but she just let out a sad laugh.

"Oh really, Bellamy? I don't think that's true..."

"Of course it is."

"No, it's not. Not anymore."

He tried to talk again but she didn't let him. It was time. Six years passed by waiting for him to come home and now she needed to say her piece.

"When you came back, the relieve I felt when I was in pain on the ground with that collar on my neck was inexplicable. I thought I was having hallucinations. And then, you came to my cell and released me. It looked like everything was going back to what used to be... But that's not what happened. You have a new family now and I'm not part of it." She try to find better words, but they never came. "You have Raven, Monty, Harper, Emori, Murphy. And you have Echo, now." She looked down in her last sentence. "I waited here for you, all this time. I saved you all and when you came back, it's like I don't mean anythig. You have this closed group and I feel casted out. Like I am some stranger to you. And you, Bellamy, is not even trying to include me in. I don't have you anymore. What you said it's a lie."

Bellamy looked like he was just punched. Because he knows everything she said is true. But is not true because he is trying to push her out. It's true because he doesn't know how to let her in again. 

"Clarke, I can't..." - he looks like he is going to snap at her. But he doesn't.. "Damn... I... Clarke, the truth is.. that I don't know how to include you in my life anymore." He now thought about was he was going to say. "I don't know how to have you back in my life. I thought you were dead! For all this time, you were dead!!! And the hardest thing I ever had to do was let you go. And I cannot to this again Clarke. It's too damn painful. It tooked me years to stop having dreams about you.. I dreamed about you som many times I couldn't even count... I dreamed about you being able to go up to space with us, in the last second, just when the door was closing... I had dreams about us up there..." He looks at her. She has tears in her eyes. 

That's when he reaches for her hands. They are just a few breaths apart. 

"Clarke, all that time away from you made me realize how I felt about you. How I feel.. I am in love with you. Maybe I always have been in love with you. And I was so stupid to take so long to realize that. I love you, Clarke Griffin."

She imagine Bellamy saying things like this to her, but she never forseen what she was going to feel in the moment. Clarke couldn't feel her feet anymore. In the past six years, everything it happened during her time in the ground went through her mind over and over and over again. She now knows that Bellamy has always been her support and the one person she could trusts with eyes closed. She always hoped he would come back to her, and they would go back to being Bellamy and Clarke. And she fell in love with that feeling. She fell in love with him. She fell in love with him more and more, everytime she drew him in her sketches. She does too love him.

"I love you too, Bellamy Blake" - she said reaching for his face, looking up.

Their kiss is soft and warm and full of feelings.  
Their kiss is like coming home.

**Author's Note:**

> How much do we have to pay to have this canon?


End file.
